Dear Jxeck Rwen

Dear Jxeck Rwen,

Few weeks before you were born, I shared my thoughts about how I felt for Zk ✍️, overwhelmed with a strong sense of loyalty to him as our only son at the time. 👨‍👩‍👧 I still thank Zk for making me a mother 👦, but I'd never imagined that I'd be as grateful as now with you...true, you did not make me a mom, but you certainly made me a better one. 🤱 

By (as Zk would call you), we grew a whole other heart just for you--turns out, it's the only thing in this world that cannot be divided into two. 💕 Our love extends to depths that we didn't even know was possible, until we became a family of four. 👨‍👩‍👦‍👦💓 

With Zk, I had always looked forward to the future, wondering how I could do better each day. ⏩ You see, your Kuya gave you the gift of going first, because now I know how to mother way better. 🆙 With you, I have learned to lean into motherhood (quit my 10-year job, so I could wfh 👩‍💻 and be a full-time mom 🚼). I have realized that there will be days when I could be just a Mama---not a hero who saves the day, and that’s okay. 🙇‍♀️ Sometimes, saving the world may simply look like putting you both to sleep at the same time (yet I still could not get my longed-for nap)! 🧘‍♀️ 

You finally made Papa Owen more confident and firm with his parenting decisions and actions, for which I am truly proud of. 👨‍👦‍👦💯 He is indeed your "Papa" as validated by another baby's first word. 🙄 

I really wish GP could celebrate this first bday with you...🥹 I am comforted by the thought that at times (which people have noticed), you remind us of him. ❤️‍🩹 You are blessed after all, with the overflowing love and wisdom from Lola Phem and GM. 👵❣️ 

Rn, the second heart that I grew, has likewise found a strong sense of loyalty just to you. 💘

I love you, with all my heart and mind. 💚❤️

Mama Glay

Dear Jzeck Rouy

Dear Jzeck Rouy,

I have been wanting to write this ✍️, to let you know how I feel about you these days. Maybe, the following words are coming from a pregnancy-hormone-operated mom 🤰, but I am relieved that I get to express all these thoughts now. 💬

Zeek, in six weeks or so, our home would no longer be just Papa Owen, Mama Glei and Zk. 👨‍👩‍👦 We’ll finally share this world with another human being as soon as we welcome your baby brother 👶 —who would become your future best friend 🤼 and the person who could effortlessly teach you how to be kind, fair, selfless, and to care, although most probably you'd learn all these in a hard way (through sibling wars 💢). 

I could not be more excited to watch you grow and take up on this new role 🔓. But with this great feeling 😁 also comes with heavy emotions 😭. I have been slowly processing, capturing, and storing these memories with you 📼…I could not help but accept that our time alone together would soon come to an end. 🥺

I could still remember the first time that I met you 🚼…I was teary-eyed but full of wonder ✨, certainly overwhelmed with so much joy 🥰—staring back at those beautiful eyes, experiencing an entirely different kind of love-at-first-sight moment 💘.  Know that I greeted you instantly with “Happy Birthday” 🎈, I could recall your Papa Owen who was immediately allowed to enter the delivery room moments later, he mouthed his first “I love you” to you 😍. You coming to our lives has certainly given us a different sense of purpose 🧩, a new meaning for existing in this world 🌱, has ultimately inspired us to become better people and parents worthy of your presence 👩‍❤️‍👨.

Fast-forward to this day, you are now four years old 👦. Yes, we have been telling you a lot lately about how time easily goes by ⏩, how fast you have grown these past weeks —looking all so Kuya already ⏫. Part of me wants to spend a little longer with my baby Zkboi ⏯️, for you to experience the solo-child attention a little bit more ⏱️.  

But most of me also wants to see the next-phase Zk 👨…I have imagined you transitioning to a responsible, conscious, and even-more-loving person 🙆‍♂️. I could picture you sharing your random I love you’s 🗣️, sweet kisses 💋, warmest hugs 🤗, or demonstrating how you could be extremely garaon to your little brother 😏. But we likewise anticipate that the changes you are about to go through could be at times, hard for you to deal with 🤯…know that we’ll be there to help you understand those feelings 😳, to make the most out of the new experience 🤓, to let you adapt, develop naturally, and move through such phase at your pace. 📈

The past four years have been the best time of our lives 💕, Boi (including the “I-rule-the-world” moments 😤 where we’re surely tested as parents 😵). We’ve been blessed with a time when we could be just randomly or consistently in awe by your existence 😲. And we look forward to expanding this beautiful consciousness with another soul 🔜👨‍👩‍👦‍👦.

While I can’t wait to see what our future would be like in over a month from now 🤔, I want these last few weeks alone with you to slow down—soaking in every Zkboi minute ⏲️ before your little brother arrives 👣. To my firstborn, my smart, kiat Buluntuy, clingy (hope you wouldn't change 👩‍👦) and lovable soon-to-be-Kuya Zk, you will always be the one who made me a mom 🤱, the person who taught me how to be selfless, to show unparalleled patience, to love unconditionally, and to live with so much hope—knowing that one day, we’d see you grow into a much more beautiful human being 🙋‍♂️.

As I dwell on these remaining days with you as our only child ⏰, I would also make sure that you’d share the same excitement to meet your little bro 🍼. While he would never have us all to himself like what you had ☝️, I know he will receive an entirely different and special attention from you 👬. He will have this overflowing love 💞, not just from Papa and Mama, but from his Kuya as well ❣️. He will be the luckiest little bro to have you and us 💖.

Thank you, for being just you, my Zkboi, I love you with all my mind and heart. 💚❤️

Mama Glay

P.S. Boi, let's pray that we'd be OK until we finally meet him. 🙏

I Love You Jzeck Rouy (No Strikethroughs Needed)

A full-blown note to express how I feel about our baby Zk as I go back to the real world today which will leave me missing this little soul whom I spent--if not for the quick trips (that each minute felt an hour spent) to the grocery store--almost 100% of my 60-day maternity leave...

Zk, I will miss your thousand facial expressions from your default unamused emoji-perfect 😒 face to relatable poop-coming-soon face... transitioning to amazed-by-Earth-object expression, or giving me that what-are-you-doing-Mama face... and every sort of expression you make trying to work out this whole no-yaya thing especially that there has been nobody to accompany your Mama except for the occasional-to-the-rescue-Papa-Owen, taking his emergency leave just to calm you down--making him your first official superhero... 😅

Zk, I will miss your LOUD uhaaaa-uhaaaas (just please stop being sooooo kyut even with your vibrating mouth srsly calling for immediate attention), best aktor worthy subtle sobs--successfully tricking us each time just to pick you up from the crib, heartbreaking cry with real tears--leaving us with feelings of self-reproach...same as I will miss your beautiful smile--capturing our deepest soul, pogiboi smirks--giving us a glimpse of how you would grow up catching attention, those playtime moments of crackling laughter that are such out-of-this-world bliss... I will certainly miss all emotions you share with your Mama, acting as human as possible--showcasing so much personality in which I would insist to your Papa that you are a boss pretending to be a baby just like that one in the movie--stretching your way to toddler-hood as fast as possible (will you stay my baby for a loooong while please?). And with this new experience, I have fully equipped myself with bankable skill--a worthy addition to my resumé--adept in conversing with another person who could perfectly articulate two or three ahhhs and ohhhs or a combo of those or making kyut sounds...assuming on my end that I totally understand what you are trying to communicate, pinging back ahhhs and ohhhs in a morse-code-way of response. 😂

Zk, this has been the longest period in my life that I have been touched by another soul...so much...that the time spent felt really short even if I was with you working this mom-baby simulation round the clock, 24 hours a day.. 7 days a week...for the past 2 months... and while there were days when I would feel guilty being sick... not able to perfectly fulfill my job as a mother... that I would fall back...or cry hard...for feeling all sorts of pain and/or suffering illnesses from discomfort associated with breastfeeding...to new-parenthood-syndrome a.k.a. lack of sleep...or with all the Milo-energy draining out of me due to the overwhelming daily household tasks other than taking care of a newborn...know that, I would always choose going through all of that if it means spending more time with you...and on a sidenote, I wish Du30 had already approved the maternity leave extension... 😐

Zk, I have to report back for work so I would be able to secure your first shares on the stock market... for Papa and I see you becoming better and much smarter stock and forex trader than us... 😉 But srsly, both Mama and Papa have greater responsibility of preparing a "bullish" future for you so please stay kyut and act the way you "babied" with me and spend those 13 hours each weekday with Mommy-la while I am away at work pumping milk in between. 💻🍼

Zk, we will make more meaningful and quality Mama-Baby bonding moments even if we cannot do it full 60-day straight anymore. I cannot wait seeing you grow up and more conscious each day. Your Papa and I love you so much and our world has since been more beautiful with you in it. 💑👶💕

 P.S. (you may stop reading at this point...or NOT 😂)

And though I mostly spend googling my actions as a mom, I basically trust my inner mother's instinct..it just comes out naturally..or by relying on a simple philosophy of asking--would it hurt Zk when you do that, then do not do that. 😃 Also, I constantly seek or consult from other mothers like from my mom and Owen's, my equally momshie friends and relatives. 📒✒  

To all moms out there, "I get it now". It is a daunting task to be a full-time mom...but taking care of this baby boy is the most fulfilling job yet...and it brings so much wonder to look forward to the days that Owen and I get to be Zk's parents for the rest of our lives.  Thank you Lord for I do not know what I've done in the past to deserve such great blessing at this point in my life. I am surely loving this new role...a wife to Jowen and mother to Jzeck Rouy. Really. Blessed. 👩🏆🔓

Love IPO

Invested emotions are volatile
As depicted well in a Bollinger
May pare down to the lower limit
Can go straight to the upper beat

Feelings at MACD signal-line
Fights fluctuate at selling point
Trade outstanding moment-shares
But candle stick draws the body red

Bearish pride plummets to all-time low
Bullish trust rocketed sky-high
Stock value raised by volumes of care
Beyond break-even over time is fair

Faith and loyalty exceeds open price
Uptrend yields to relationship goals
My love index will stay afloat
To buy time with you I wish to quote

Point of Intersection

I was treading a path

En route to somewhere 

That place where you are

A place where I should be

I was staring at the clock

Waiting for the right time

That moment when you come along

A moment when I am thankful for

Where most paths do not cross

When circumstances do not meet

It is truly fate to have found you

In the perfect point of intersection

Core Memories of 2015

Yesterday and the 364 days before that The year must have been so good that I could not remember those bad hair days every bad thing that had happened in 2015 was considered part of the entire plan set forth by the universe in 2014. Yes, if I had to rank my years since 2011, 2015---if not the best---is a year of core memories as Joy of Inside Out would gladly gather the happy balls and house them into the hub of my kolorful NCCC Headquarters joined by the rest of personified emotions---Sadness, Fear, Disgust and Anger.

While the first quarter was mostly spent on convincing people to help me accomplish that not part of their job questionnaire completing my Masters degree requirements, I would specifically not forget my 26^th birthday when I had almost celebrated it just like getting through the regular workday…but my family made an effort to render the day extra special with their spontaneous presence just 4 hours away to March 19^th.

And yes… finally…after four grueling years as I would normally say back in the high school or college final days a comma and three letters have been appended to my registered domain name, being conferred with a Master of Business Administration degree in April 2015. Academically, that was one full achievement unlocked for years through proper motivation and excellence---which there were no equivalent efforts made from past endeavors. It was quite an attempt to gracefully end what I started in 2011 that it had been a primary root cause for several and big purposeful mistakes and decision errors big career decisions from first resignation to employment hopping applications. Anyhow, all those had paid off well with my family so proud of me and of course, with my sister who likewise graduated with Master of English and Applied Linguistic (MEAL) degree, beating me with one letter for which we entirely dedicated to the true MASTERS of love---our parents.

A year is not as memorable as it is without experiencing plot twists and plot holes lows and challenging circumstances I would never trade for the exact opposite as those served as reference to this year’s another set of challenges. I am somewhat grateful to experience emotional rollercoaster at the workplace for it helped me review my resume that has not been updated for the past 4 years revisit my career goals and assess what truly motivates me to stay in an organization. While the process affected me at various levels, I have been prompted to deliver more valuable results. In fact, the “fear” that was previously felt has been channeled to “excitement”. I am looking forward to a year full of new lessons and knowledge upgrades, ultimately sustaining personal career development I have been taking care of for years.

But 2015 was also an opportunity to take new road---a rare attempt to take new field. However challenging and great it is to achieve, I have conceded to the wishful thinking that it could have played out well in parallel timeline and my decision to discontinue my CPA ambitious hopes was a good decision after all. That was one semester worth keeping which provided me a tip on how to initiate or keep up on a conversation with a CPA holder---that he is.

Meanwhile, the year was of course, fully felt with the presence of best friends, new colleagues, one of them turned out to be so special, the one who would deeply matter, sole un-friendship on multiple instances and few acquaintances.

2015 was a moment to experience the most memorable and fun travel with Ilocos escapade and Coron adventure and sweet holiday vacations.

It is the year to encounter new angels giving a glimpse of joy to meet my future angel and witness true love from the weddings of closest friends sending me a strong signal for that only love coming on his way.

Actually, he was not on his way, he arrived perfectly… And that how 2015 ended on a high and happy note. LOVE.

Thank you Lord and the Universe for making time a wonderful instrument to experience Your greatness. 

2016, I shall upgrade the hub and store it with brand new set of core memories. J

Apathy

Contagious laugh.
Warm embrace.
 Sweet kisses.
 Thoughtful words.
 Kept promises.
 Heartfelt apologies.
 Beautiful cries.
 Timeless joy.
 Boundless love.
 Indifference.
 Indifference.
 It is how it all ends.

Breaking Her High Walls

Matching thoughts
Interesting words
Dainty whispers
Lasting talks

A crack starts to draw

Meaningful looks
Sweetest smiles
Closer stares
Warm touches

Lines splitting everywhere

First moments shared
Feelings expressed
No words needed
All intentions delivered

Structures begin to fall

Mistakes unveiled
Beyond guilty
Option she was
Right from the start

Broken like ruins of the high walls